Full name and title: Tonto, Dances with Ale
Hobbies: Killing silly, weak white men, scalping white men, burning
white men's houses, and trying making moccassins from the
fish he catches (we haven't had the heart
to tell him that you don't make moccassins from fish).
Turn-ons: Catching a silly, weak white man unarmed, smoking his peace
pipe, praying to spirit dog, and drinking firewater.
Turn-offs: Being killed by silly, weak white men, having his village
burned, evil white men magic, finding his favorite fishing hole
overrun by silly, weak white men who he quickly
kills (or is that a turn-on...)
Favorite saying: "Tonto go scalp white men now."
Favorite thing to slay: As if it weren't obvious...white men!
History: Tonto as a boy was a happy indian living in a small
village to the north of Britain where the Island Training Center now stands.
Tonto's people were happy, carefree and never harmed a soul...but one dreadful
day all of that changed. Lord British, seeing the fantastic fishing
waters of the indians, not to mention the wide range of wild animals on
their land decided to destroy the resident indians and take the land for
himself. Lord British's army arrived and the battle was long and
hard-fought, but with Lord British's vastly superior numbers the peaceful
indians barely stood a chance. Tonto's mother put him on a small
raft and told him to go south where the mountains are, where he could hide
until he was stronger. Along the way the young Tonto met another
one of his tribe who survived, Hiawatha, but they were forced to split
up when they heard Lord British's troops approaching from the north of
them. Tonto took up residence in the caves south of his former village,
and bided his time for when he could exact revenge upon the white men who
burned down his village and killed nearly all of his people. All
of Tonto's years in the cave with no sunlight made his skin go pale, which
allows him to infiltrate the ranks of the white man, only to mercilessly
destroy him later. Tonto's quest is far from complete, but maybe
the OBD can help him achieve his dream.
Achieved the rank of Knighthood (Knight of Mongbats)
to the members listing